You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
