Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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