why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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