I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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