dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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