guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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