my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
