I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
