Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
