Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
