One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize