I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
