The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we're making bets on your personal life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
