So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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