I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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