There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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