Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
