my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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