i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
