he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize