Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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