She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
