so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
