I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
