ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
