Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
bring money and cleavage
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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