The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
