i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
