You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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