Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
