I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
