D3 body, D1 cock
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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