If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
