she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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