I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
