one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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