Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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