in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
