My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
