You can't motorboat a personality
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
