Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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