All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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