There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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