Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
