Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
