Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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