Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
