Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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