so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
