I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
