I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
