And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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