I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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