I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
