So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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