two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
