1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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