We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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