I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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