hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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