Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
