We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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