Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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