i permit you to call me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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