After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
