just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
