Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
