I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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