In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
