I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
