Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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