i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
