you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
